Patriarch Kirill and the Internet

We've talked about internet porn here before.  When this article came up, I thought it would be interesting to discuss:

'Monks - Abstain From Online Sin' Says Russian Church Leader

Here's a quote:

Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Russia reportedly described the Internet as a hotbed of sin and temptation, and said that monks who forsake worldly pleasures in real life should do likewise on the Internet.

However, speaking at the Zograf Monastery at Mount Athos, he also urged priests, who live in the community and are allowed to marry, to use the Internet more actively in the course of their holy mission, Russian media reported.

A later clarification was issued stating that the Patriarch was not implying that monks were watching porn.  What he was talking about was the bigger issue.

We tend to focus on the 'sin' of the internet in terms of just porn, but I think the problem is more significant.  The internet has been very helpful is playing into one of the major symptoms of addiction: impatience.

The internet makes everything available to us virtually instantaneously.  We have no time to think or to even process what we are seeing and reading.  I have watched internet religious forums explode with fire as people read too quickly and misunderstand what others wrote, only to turn a mole-hill into Mt. Everest.  I've even done it a few times myself.

We send an email and expect an instant response.  Smart-phones make this even worse.

Monks are supposed to slow down and examine their thoughts.  How can they when they get on the internet?

Yet, the Church needs to have an internet presence, because this is where the people are.  We married clergy are expected to dive into battles that monks cannot.  We usually assume that monks are superior in all ways to lay people.  Honest monks will tell you that this is far from the case: most monks will tell you that they can't handle the temptations that the average Christian struggles with.

It is not about who is better or more authentic.  It is about helping people.  Monks help people in their own way that is unique to them, and likewise for married clergy.

And, BOTH need to be careful with the internet.  The only real difference is that married clergy are already battling with the world and cannot avoid the internet as another 'front' in the campaign.  It is a fast-pitched fight here in the modern world.

Monks don't need to tear down their carefully-honed skills of patience.  In fact, they would do us all a favor by avoiding the internet so we can see what real patience looks like.  All of us must be cautious in discerning when we are operating out of impatience or merely trying to keep up with this fast-pace world.

What to do with alcoholic clergy

I've gotten more than a few inquiries about this topic.  Here is a fairly typical one from one of the readers:

I have found that in [my country] there are many priests/monks who suffer from alcoholism. Can you help me in this important subject by writing a blog: When a priest should wake up with his drinking? What are the first steps, things to do, when a priest/monk identifies himself as an alcoholic? Go to meetings, read 12&12, contact an AA-member...? Or if you have already done so, I would appreciate a link to that writing.

Well, this is a complicated topic.  By 'many,' what it usually means is that clergy alcoholism rates are on par with the general society.  I have visited countries where the bishops state very plainly that roughly 25% of the clergy have had incidents involving abuse of alcohol (everything from single incidents of public intoxication to daily drunkenness), which match normal life for lay people.

In the Orthodox Church, clergy are not held to a higher standard than any other Christian as far as morals.  All Christians are held to the same standard.  The difference is that clergy receive stiffer disciplinary action for their sins.  You can't depose a layman from being a layman.

Clergy do not magically sprout from the ground in some secret 'priest farm' at a secluded monastery.  They arise out of the community.  If the community is sick, the clergy will be sick as well.

To some extent, this is helpful.  "Perfect priests" can't relate to imperfect people.  If they struggle with their imperfections and make progress, then they can help others with the same problems.  But, when the priest does not struggle, then he is worse than useless: he demonstrates that 'nothing changes' and that the problem is permanent.

So, if there are lots of alcoholics in society, chances are that clergy will have many of the necessary requirements for addiction.  What then?

Well, we know that addicts usually can't "wake themselves up."  They need help in this regard.  This means that the bishop is key: he has to be willing to take appropriate action.  My experience is that most bishops do want to take some action, but they don't know how.  Right now, a majority of Orthodox communities are just emerging from Communism or are still dealing with Islamic tyranny.  They don't have a recent history of healing ministries because all that was done away with by the oppressors.

We are re-learning old trades.

It takes generations to recover from such institutional repression, and so the process is slow.  That does not mean that there is a lack of enthusiasm in many quarters, which I have already written about.  But, right now there is no place for the Bishops to send all these troubled priests: AA is in its infancy in the East.  Think of AA in America in the 1950s.

So, what then?  Until the Church takes steps to build up institutions that can help, the average alcoholic priest is going to have to find his own meetings, and perhaps even start them.  That's what Bill W. and Dr. Bob did.  It worked.  Priests should get the message that they can help one another.

However, the big encumbrance is that so many people falsely elevate the priest or deacon on a pedestal where he does not belong.  So, some people 'tsk, tsk' at the idea of a priest sitting with a bunch of town drunks and proclaiming his common struggle with them.  I think if bishops could inspire their clergy to do just that without fear of reprisal from him, then more priests would.

What priests often fear most is losing their ministry.  What they don't understand is that a bishop can't afford to lose 25% of his priests all at once.  They also don't understand that a sober priest is worth his weight in gold: he is the one pastor who can speak authoritatively and convincingly on a problem that is tearing apart many communities.  Rather than deposing a sober alcoholic priest, I think many bishops would like to reassign them to help sober up more clergy in the diocese.  That's the usual response I get from bishops, though priests don't seem to get that at all.

They are ashamed and afraid.  Here is where a bishop could help: if he were to explain to them that there is hope, and that discipline is only for those who reject help, then he would have more success.  All he has to say is, "Either get sober or you are out in two years."  Then hand the priest his options: the phone number to the local treatment program, and the phone number to the ticket desk at the local train station.  He either gets help or leaves.  Yes, some priests will leave rather than get help.  But, the bishop can help him make the choice.  Some guys would rather be drunk priests than sober priests, and so you can't save them.

Two years is a lot of time.  It is more than fair.

Does a priest have to leave his parish?  That depends on what happened there, and the bishop will have to gauge each situation on its own.  His sobering-up in the presence of his people may inspire many of them to get help.

In the meantime, the Church must take more active measures to teach Christians about addiction and how the Church handles the problem.  When the Holy Synod makes a decision, it must find a way to pound that message into the head of every parishioner.

If you cure the soil, then the plants will be healthy.

Being Ashamed of Who You Are

There are a lot of people who are ashamed of who they are.  Yes, most people get their identity from what they do, but there are also those who derive their identity from a single instant.  And, when that instant is shameful, then the shame of identity it hard to overcome.

It can even come between us and God.

If we think of a 'sinner' as one who is, by nature of that identity, broken off from God, then if we love God we will fight to not be identified as a 'sinner.'  We see this impulse all the time among people who think that God will hate them if they wear the 'sinner' label.

Of course, Orthodox Christians believe that the identity of 'sinner' is exactly who Christ seeks out, so you are safe with such an identity.

'Alcoholic' and 'addict' present more of a challenge.  Most people in the modern world are afraid of this identity because they know that it means the problem is incurable (fear of relapse) and requires life-long treatment (fear of pain and inconvenience).  It does not necessarily drive one away from God, unless your religious hang-ups demand that you be perfect before God will have anything to do with you aside from lightening bolts.

In the Orthodox community, I have seen one particular form of shame that has driven a number of my seminary classmates out of the Church.  It is the 'shame' of being an ex-priest or, in other words, a deposed clergyman.

There are three main reasons a clergyman in the Church is deposed: you messed up, you are tired of it, or your wife messed up and left you.  Even in the latter case, there are some divorced priests that still serve because their cases were clearly that of abandonment.  This is why bishops really need to take a closer look at the wives of seminarians.

What is sad is that I have seen a majority of these men, once they are deposed, leave the Church altogether.  I'm not going to pretend to speak for all of them, but I do know a few who have hung in there and have even continued to serve the Church in new and very much-needed ways.  Almost all of them, I would say (and this is a mark of my own arrogance), were much better priests than I ever will be.  

The problem often has to do with how others receive them.  Just think about it: when you hear someone is an ex-priest, you are likely to begin wondering why he left.  Could it be something bad?  The wheels start grinding, and most of these guys are with-it enough to know that's what you are thinking about.  Like the alcoholic, he is identified by his problem, and frankly, that can be depressing if all you know about it is that it is a problem.

What you have done becomes who you are.

Now, an alcoholic bears an identity because of an ongoing condition, but what about the man who leaves the priesthood?  Must he be marked for what may have been a one-time act, or even a perfectly honorable reason like burn-out?

What some of them have confided in me is that they detect how uncomfortable people, particular clergy, are with them.  They feel the discomfort of others in a painfully sensitive way.  They know that we cringe.

For clergy, they are reminders that the identity as a priest is really fragile.  It can be broken by a single act violating the disciplinary canons.  Once the trust the priesthood demands is broken, the identity becomes obscured.  This is why the canons call for the deposition of clergy based on a single instance of major sin.

But, we need to be reminded that it is delicate, lest we take it for granted.  I think on a regular basis about how little control I have over my life, and how all that I have, even the priesthood, can disappear in an instant.  

The only thing that cannot be taken from me is my humanity.  I am a human, first and foremost.  And, part of that humanity that cannot be taken from me is my past.  When Christ heals the Paralytic, He tells him, "Rise, take up your pallet, and walk."  He does not leave the pallet behind, because this past is how he encountered God.

The pallet is holy, even if it was sinful and burdensome.

To this extent, no one can erase my past, and so my past shapes who I am today.  If I am deposed, there would only be shame if I fled from that identity.  I can't.  It has brought me to where I am now and will determine the direction that I go through the rest of my life.

Let other people think and wonder and guess and ponder.  That's their own problem.  I won't let their thinking get in the way of my relationship with God and the Church.  The truth is that once the initial discomfort is over, the healthy people will start to judge you on what you do now, and the crazies will always be crazy and judgmental.

Do not let the identity of being an addict come between you and God.  If people get weird, that's too bad for them.  Don't buy into their problems.  You can help them just by being yourself.  If you react with shame, then you are reinforcing their judgments and will make it harder for others to came after you.

This does not mean you have to wear it on your head like a hat, but do not be ashamed of what is not shameful.  It is not shameful to be an addict in recovery.  It is not shameful to be an ex-priest, even if both conditions may have had shameful aspects or events tied to them.  It would be shameful to be an addict who refuses recovery or a priest 'acting out' but avoiding discipline.

To be honest, even honorable people have their shameful moments.  We need to get real here.  Nobody is perfect.

If you are one of those people who demands perfect clergy or a perfect Church, then you are perfectly out of your mind.  We are all broken in some way, and the point is not to avoid being broken but to be healed.  That's why Christ came, and that's why we 'come to' in the Program.

Do not let shame keep you out of the Church.  If anything, let it be the reason you need to stay.

Suicide and Self-Salvation

Well, the article asks a question, then avoids a direct answer.  Here is the question:

Baby boomers are killing themselves at an alarming rate, raising question: Why?

Here is the answer:

Believers from an early age in the power of medicine, boomers are more likely than their elders to turn to drugs, alcohol or even plastic surgery to mask their problems. “Boomers do not want to suffer,” Arbore said.

Notice the problem of 'masking.'  Yes, you can hide the fact that you are aging, but you can't stop it.  You can hide the fact that you are angry and resentful, but you can't stop it... by yourself!

Suffering comes in many ways, some of it we can change, and some we cannot.  But, if everything is suffering, then you are going to be overwhelmed by all of it.  This is the modern problem: everything is suffering because there are no solutions.

Modern life without God is pointless.  It is meaningless.  That's what is happening to the 'Baby Boomer Generation' that dropped out of Christianity (largely because most churches were either heretical and crazy, aside from the temptations of materialism that are everywhere) and goes on long searches for 'meaning' that end up requiring significant funding.

You need to save up a lot of cash to afford your next guru.  Of course, that's why the Boomers have opted for the Yogi in the medicine cabinet.  The problem is that pills and surgery don't give meaning either.  You can't live just to take your anti-depressants.

Without meaning, suffering is pointless.  Suicide makes sense when there is no reason to go on.  To be honest, suicide should be your first inclination the moment that you 'realize' that you are not interested in God.  After all, nothing good lies ahead that is worth the suffering.

What is killing this generation is its 'functional atheism.'  Like those who are functionally illiterate, you can get by looking like you believe in something other than yourself, but when-push-comes-to-shove your 'salvation' is your own effort.

Suicide is self-salvation.  When you can do nothing to avoid suffering, the only option is death.

Recovery begins with a single premise: it is possible to be saved by something other than the Self.  It is the opposite of 'Existentialism' and all that kind of stupidity that leads to suicide.

Existentialism says that the Self is the 'answer,' but recovery teaches that the Self is the problem and the solution is a union with a Power Greater Than Self.  This makes suicide the ultimate fruit of the Self.

By ourselves, we are already dead.  Only by union with the Divine can we find the true meaning of the Self: it is only part of the story.  By itself, the self is a burden because it is incomplete.

We become complete when we enter into union with God.  In God, suicide is meaningless.

Sexuality and DNA

Just so you know, a majority of the inquiries to me from this blog's readers are regarding sexual addictions.  I can't say for sure why, whether it is about raw numbers or the fact that they are the least understood of the addictions.

Frankly, I think we know very little about sexuality from biological and psychological perspectives, and modern Christianity has largely forgotten the Biblical narrative set in Genesis and continued in the New Testament.  Gender and sexuality have become more about politics these days then about a common groundwork to humanity.

Nowadays, we have been divided and conquered on this topic.

As a result, we all tend to pile up our own little opinions on this topic.  Then, someone comes along and pulls some of the erroneous ones out of the stack.  Here's an opportunity to have that happen:

Identical Twins Study Proves Homosexuality is Not Genetic

Why am I posting this?  Because there are lots of helpful facts in it.  For example:

“Neutral academic surveys show there is substantial change. About half of the homosexual/bisexual population (in a non-therapeutic environment) moves towards heterosexuality over a lifetime. About 3% of the present heterosexual population once firmly believed themselves to be homosexual or bisexual.”

“Sexual orientation is not set in concrete,” he notes.

Even more remarkable, most of the changes occur without counseling or therapy. “These changes are not therapeutically induced, but happen ‘naturally’ in life, some very quickly,” Dr. Whitehead observes. “Most changes in sexual orientation are towards exclusive heterosexuality.”

Numbers of people who have changed towards exclusive heterosexuality are greater than current numbers of bisexuals and homosexuals combined. In other words, ex-gays outnumber actual gays.

The fluidity is even more pronounced among adolescents, as Bearman and Brueckner’s study demonstrated. “They found that from 16 to 17-years-old, if a person had a romantic attraction to the same sex, almost all had switched one year later.”

“The authors were pro-gay and they commented that the only stability was among the heterosexuals, who stayed the same year after year. Adolescents are a special case—generally changing their attractions from year to year.”

Now, let's think about this: sexual 'orientation' and 'attraction' are synonyms.  What do these facts tell us about sex addiction?  We are dealing with a far more fluid area than something that can be dismissed as 'genetic' or 'hard-wired' (a.k.a. DNA-programmed) into us.  If our attractions are subject to change, then they can be changed.

This is a helpful sign for treating sexual addictions.  Now, perhaps some of you are going to get the message that I think homosexuals can be 'cured.'  Well, that is silly: I don't think alcoholism or any other addiction can be 'cured,' and so I don't believe in cures to begin with.  They are the modern man's "Nirvana"... reputed, but never actually witnessed.  If a solid majority of addicts elude recovery despite years of treatment, I don't see why homosexuals should also have anything other than a low success rate of treatment, if they want treatment at all.

I certainly don't want to force anyone into treatment who does not want it, even pedophiles and the mentally ill.  But, don't expect me to enable their behavior, either.  I'm more than willing to chip in on a very large, high-security 'hotel' for those who want to harm others because of their disorders that they don't want to treat.  Again, for clarity, I am not talking about gays.

So, what's the point?  The point is that we are made to have attractions.  Desires are part of who we are.  But, they can become deformed because they are fluid.  Turning them off is not really an option, but they can be reigned in, and they may also be steered to some degree in a healthier direction.  However, once they become deformed, they can never be neglected.

There is no 'cure.'  There is only treatment.

Suicide: Modern Culture's Blight

In the land that commercialized positive thinking and put pill bottles in every drawer, depression has emerged as the most debilitating condition we face.

This is what I was feeling when I watched that silly video "This is Water."  Professor Wallace's photo is featured in this article.

Here is one of the most fascinating articles I have ever read in the mainstream media, both well-written and informative.  I encourage you to read it:

The Suicide Epidemic by Tony Dokoupil

Addiction and suicide are like twins separated at birth.  Both result in the destruction of the person.  The only difference is in the last of the three 'factors' of suicide which addiction does not bear:

"I am not afraid to die."

Addicts waste their lives precisely because they are afraid to die.  They live in horrendous circumstances because they lack the courage and confidence to 'end it all' without things getting worse.  I would say that many addicts are saved by a worse hopelessness than the suicide.  That is, even death won't solve anything.  Only the addiction can take away the pain, and death means an end to the relationship with the addictor.

Here's another factor:

When teen suicide was on the rise in the 1970s and 1980s, society was stung by the conclusion that something must be wrong with the way we live, because our children don’t want to join us. The question today is different, but just as unsettling. With people relinquishing life at its supposed peak, what does that say about the prize itself? What’s gone so rotten in the modern world? In her next bundle of research, Phillips hopes to pinpoint the massive, steam-rolling social change that matters most for self-harm. She has a good list of suspects: the astounding rise in people living alone, or else feeling alone; the rise in the number of people living in sickness and pain; the fact that church involvement no longer increases with age, while bankruptcy rates, health-care costs, and long-term unemployment certainly do.

Yes, church involvement helps keep people from suicide.  Why?  How many of us have denounced the 'insensitive' ways traditional Christianity has dealt with suicide?

The Church will not offer a full funeral for a suicide in part to make sure everyone has a healthy fear of suicide.  The modern therapeutic culture has gone to great lengths to destigmatize suicide even within Christianity.  Now, we offer 'life celebrations' for those who kill themselves, then wonder why they kill themselves.

Why, indeed.

You do not offer the victor's crown to anyone else but the champion.  When victory status is afforded to the suicide, and we erase the notion that suicide is a failure that God despises, then it becomes a serious option.

We should be afraid to die.

Recovery from addiction rests on this principle.  If you are not afraid to die, then suicide is a much easier option than years and years of self-discipline and pain.  An addict can 'tap out' of life and take a short cut to eternal rest without the inconvenience of living a sober lifestyle not driven by self-will.

Atheism and the suppression of Christianity are also largely responsible for the high suicide rate.  By preaching utter nothingness after death and the meaninglessness of life aside from hedonism, the long path towards old age and its burdens seem to be a hopeless prison.  The middle-aged high-risk category are confronting the fact that they are getting too old to have the adventures of youth and their choices are becoming more limited.  Self-gratification becomes harder, and so death looks like a great way to exit an non-enjoyable existence.

Cradle-to-grave public services make many of us feel 'disposable.'  We are no longer necessary for the survival of others.  We are now in an era where the government provides more support for children than parents, in the form of free or subsidized education, along with generous welfare benefits.  No one is 'indispensable,' and we are even taught now that mom and dad are easily swapped with mom and mom or even no mom or dad at all.  Love is just a kind of amorphous putty that can occupy any number of shapes.

It will be harder to get people into addictions treatment the more that the materialist mindset takes hold and people are taught to suppress their natural desires for life and their fear of death.  The more pervasive these beliefs become, the more untimely, self-imposed death we will see.  

Vacations, Holidays, & Pilgrimages

Sorry for the break, but I'm just now getting back into the swing of life after an all-too-brief vacation.  And, as can be expected, there were loads of phone calls and emails to return, along with an unexpected visitor and some other stuff.  Loads of fun!

This is only the second family vacation we've ever taken, the first one being two years ago... and this is after over 15 years as a family.  Part of it is history: my family vacations were often marked loads of stress and illness.  Our vacation options often involved trips to the mountains, which meant (for me) motion sickness, altitude sickness, cold, wet, and a grumpy father insistent on catching a trout.

It has taken years for me to get the idea that vacations can actually be enjoyable.  The funny thing is that I live in the same town, and so the vacations are much the same, minus the trout fishing... and the stress... and the sickness.  We are not having a 'Purpose-Driven Vacation.'

Vacations are important because they break the routine.  I love routine, even though I am in a job that thrives on breaking it: people have problems at weird times, and I have to quickly respond even though I had other plans.

Routines are helpful, but they can often lull us into a false sense of comfort.  Yes, we have much less to think about when we have a 'rhythm' to our day or week.  We can then adjust this pattern to avoid looking at our world as it really is, and who we really are.

Pilgrimages are designed to do the same thing: break the believer's monotonous spiritual life.  Occasionally, we need to knock the rust off and see more of the Church than just the tiny corner we occupy.  Many parishes become wracked  with dissent because the people there simply don't go anywhere else.  The parish then are in becomes 'everything there is,' and that means ever change is an all-or-nothing proposition.

The more I see of the Church, the less critical it becomes for me to control my small part in it.  If I really want this or that, I know it exists elsewhere and I can go get it there if I really need it.  Pilgrimages are helpful in that way.

Of course, they are more challenging in a country this spread out.  So, I recommend you work the two events together: take a vacation, and make sure you work in a spiritual journey along the way.  That's what we did when we stopped off at a monastery just before ascending the mountains.  The nuns wanted us to return on the way back, but I spared them having to host a family that had spent four days in a dusty campground with no showers.  They deserved that kind of consideration.

In the path of sobriety, conventions and trips to see other fellowships in different places are also very helpful.  It is wonderful to sit in an AA meeting in Romania and find all the same problems and joys that we have in California.  Getting the bigger picture of recovery makes our individual problems seem smaller.

Once you have cleaned up enough of the wreckage of your past (like getting the ankle monitor off or getting past your bills so that you have some reserve cash), take a trip.  Go on a journey.  Use you map and meeting directory as your guide.  You can even call the regional office and tell them what you are planning.  You may be surprised at how welcoming fellow addicts can be to a traveler.

If you can't do it right now, then ask God to provide the opportunity in the future.  He will provide the right time.